Saturday, March 31, 2012

Deja-Viewed

www.trifectawritingchallenge.com








This week's Trifextra Challenge:

Write a horror story in 33 words, without the words blood, scream, died, death, knife, gun, or kill. 


Deja-Viewed 

No one’s home, 
but the shower 
is on. 
Bewildered, 
she goes to 
the water source. 
Passing 
the steam-fogged mirror,
she sees 
no reflection. 
Peering 
inside the curtain, 
she finds 
her own 
lifeless body.



33 comments:

  1. Creepy! The ending is not at all what I expected (which is good :))

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    1. Thanks, Janna! Like you, horror is not my thing. This was as much gore as I could muster up.

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  2. Ooo...Wow! What a story! That ending really got to me! :D

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    1. Thank you, SO! This was really out of my elements, so I'm glad that it seemed good enough. Thanks for reading and commenting!

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  3. Replies
    1. Thanks for reading, Barbara! It was really hard cutting down to 33 words this time!

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  4. That ending was not what I expected! Great job!

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    1. Thank you for the nice comment! This was my first attempt in fiction, so I'm glad it seems to have worked =)

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  5. Oh, creepy twist. Nice work!!!

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    1. Thanks, Dunce Two. It was hard getting the twist in 33 words!

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  6. This is disturbing - which is a good thing!

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    1. I'm not usually good at being disturbing, so thank you!

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  7. Replies
    1. Thanks, ODNT! My daughter wanted to buy Clue yesterday, and I thought of you =)

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  8. Wow. Thanks for showing me how it's done. I love this.

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    1. Wow, that's a real compliment coming from you (I really liked your last piece with Trifecta)! Thank you! I almost was not going to submit this one, since I really thought it was just... meh. I guess I'm glad that I did. These prompts really are addicting and stretch me out of my comfort zone.

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  9. oh spooky! love this!

    best,
    MOV

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    1. Thanks, MOV! And thanks for really making me work at writing with this prompt! It was a challenge for me.

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  10. Psych! Great job with the prompt.

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    1. Thank you, Fran! I enjoyed your post as well!

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  11. Love the story. And the title is perfect. Nice job!

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    1. Thank you, Susan! The note about the title is very kind; thanks for stopping by!

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  12. Oooo...how creepy! Delightfully eerie. Good work!

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    1. I'm glad I can achieve "eerie" without blood and gore, because horror is just not my genre! Thanks for your comment!

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  13. I couldn't wait to get home to read this! It is NOT 'meh"!
    It is haunting and suspenseful. It is questions and answers. It is familiar and unexpected.
    It is a quiet, powerful horror.
    Great Job!

    * I agree, these prompts are very addicting!*

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    1. Kim, you are too kind! Thank you! My husband says these prompts are all I talk about these days, and my kids throw around the word 'Trifecta' like they know something about it. I'm glad you are addicted, too!

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    2. Ha! My kids do the same. "I know. You have to work on Trifecta." :-)

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  14. Thanks so much for linking up with Trifecta this week. Hope to see you back on Monday (10 am Eastern) for the new prompt and some exciting news about the changes Trifecta is making to spread the word about our writing community.

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  15. I wasn't particular impressed until I got to the end; you're not particularly skilled when it comes to the rhythm of a poem, but you telling a thrilling tale! The end, particularly with the combination of words you used, really shocked me.

    You should be really proud of that.

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    1. Truthfully (as you pointed out), this was originally written as a four-sentence story in prose. I just decided to create some visual suspense by having readers' eyes move down on the page to get to the end. Thus it was broken up like a poem, although not meant to be. Thank you so much for reading and your kind comments!

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  16. Sandra, I often break up prose into free-verse poetry, depending on the reason. In this case, putting all into one or two paragraphs would have given away the ending much too soon. I think you made a wise decision, and I loved this. Peace, Amy
    http://sharplittlepencil.com/2012/04/01/reflector-babe-three-prompts-in-one/

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    1. Amy, I am so glad that you see the reasoning in my visual structure here. I've really enjoyed these challenges, and I'm learning so much. Thank you so much for stopping by and commenting!

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