Friday, March 23, 2012

The Evidence

www.trifectawritingchallenge.com








This weekend's Trifextra Challenge:

For your prompt this week, we are giving you the first 33 words of a story. You need to complete it with 33 of your own words.



The Evidence

“There’s nothing cute about it,” he said. The register of his voice indicated decision more so than discussion. 

She disagreed heartily and privately, staring past his head and out the window behind him.

He put down the newspaper clipping of their college-aged son wearing a hoodie amongst friends. The backdrop: Union Square.  

“Though he lied about where he was going,” she said, “you’re proud of him.”


30 comments:

  1. Leaves me wanting to hear more. A good thing ...

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    1. ODNT, thanks for coming by! The word 'hoodie' was all over my Twitter stream for a few days, which inspired this piece. I really went off the handle when Geraldo Rivera said what he said about hoodies.

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  2. Only fathers can be proud of their son's exploits even when they are outwardly displeased by them. :-) I suppose, secretly, he wished that he was doing his son's exploits himself. :-) Nice one.

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    1. Thank you for taking the time to comment, Imelda! In this case, the parents were only worried about their son's safety in public protest. They are, in fact, very proud of what he stood for, just unhappy that they didn't know that he went to the Million Hoodies March in NYC. =)

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    2. :-) Being new to this country (well, if you can call 8 years new), I had to ask my husband what Union Square is. Somehow, I did not get to connect it with Trayvon Martin. I was thinking more of Occupy Street. :-)

      And yet, it still is so true - even when a child is an adult and even when he is doing good things, parents still need to be in the loop. I think that is how I want it when my kids are grown. :-))

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    3. Yes, I absolutely agree with your thoughts about parents being 'in the loop'. I wrote this from a parent's point of view. Feeling hurt from not knowing, but proud nevertheless. =)

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  3. I can imagine a father who hasn't made it past the fact that this son is an adult, who feels like he can't let his pride in some exploit show because his disapproval is necessary for discipline, even though those days are past forever.

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    1. Again, I think I was too cryptic with this story. It's not so much the disapproval and discipline. The parents were upset that their son did not tell them about his participation in a protest, since they worry for his physical safety in a mass demonstration. But inside, they are both proud of his belief. March 21, 2012, Million Hoodies March in NYC. Thank you for reading and commenting, Jesterqueen! I always appreciate your thoughts.

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  4. I like Imelda's comment, I agree. I liked this story.

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    1. Thank you, Amelia! Please read my comment for Imelda, too. I really appreciate you coming by and commenting!

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  5. like it, want to know more..........

    best,
    MOV

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    1. I hope I answered your questions in the other replies! I've got to learn how to write concisely (33 words) *and* to-the-point. I hope Trifecta will help me improve with that =) Thank you for dropping by!

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  6. I took your clues and went to Google. Now it all makes sense...the million hoodie march to protest the shooting of Trayvon Martin. Nice work, Sandra!

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    1. Janna, thank you for being curious enough to Google this! I really very much appreciate you going out of your way to find out the meaning behind this cryptic story. I think I made it too vague. Three key words are not enough to get the point across. I think I should have better articulated my title, maybe to "The March"? Anyway, I had Trayvon Martin on my mind for a few days now, and thus the inspiration for this story. Again, thank you so much for reading, Googling, and commenting!

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  7. I needed to find out about the connotation, but once done find myself impressed. The power of 33 words to create an elaborate picture never ceases to amaze!

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    1. Thank you for the kind words! It was hard fitting the story into 33 words, and perhaps why it was so vague. I think it could have been better written; I still have a lot to learn.

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  8. Sometimes I like it cryptic; keeps me guessing; let's me use my imagination.

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    1. Well, the fact that this was based on an actual event, I probably should have inserted a few more key words to make it more obvious. One can imagine, but a tragic event like that of Trayvon Martin is probably better represented by the facts themselves. I am still learning how to do this 33 word prompt... Thank you for reading, commenting, and your encouragement!

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    1. Thank you! I'm so glad you dropped by.

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  10. Sandra, I really, really think this is a fantastic take on the prompt. Thoughtful, relevant, interesting. I think you took this somewhere new. It's pretty brilliant. I'm a fan.

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    1. Nicole, I've been a big fan of your writing, so this, coming from you, is a huge compliment to me. Thank you so much! I really appreciate your kind words.

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  11. Sandra,

    What a great idea to create a blog for your prompts! I like the name a lot.
    Great piece. Hoodie has been all over the news...so people can relate!

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    1. Thank you, Mel! I'm still fairly new at this, but I'm definitely hooked. We're on spring break this week. I think the kids and I will sport our hoodies together, all week long. Thanks for dropping by! (BTW, I found you on Twitter).

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  12. I love how you made the story so timely! Really nice job!

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    1. Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to comment, Libby!

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  13. I am so behind on my current events. First the leg thing with Angelina Jolie(ODNT's entry), and now this. I like how your story makes others do the legwork to find out more. And even if you don't know what is going on in the news, you can still relate to your child becoming an independent thinker. Great job!

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    1. I was actually "proud" that I knew about "the leg," since I'm usually not in the know with current events, living my SAHM life. But I have been reading about Martin in all social media outlets, and that's where this story came from. So very hard to fit into 33 words. Thank you for your kind comment!

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  14. Kudos to the kid, and also to the parents. I think you may be a wee bit hard on yourself, this is an excellent write. I find the non-fiction ones are much harder to nail in 33 words as there is so much more that "should be" said. Mine is missing a few words that would make it more clear too -- am thinking I should have crafted it into the title ... ! It's great to be challenged, to learn. Right?!

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    1. Yes, Karen, it IS great to be challenged. I didn't think of using a picture or a note at the end to clarify, but that's okay. Note to self: title can be "free" words! Thank you so much for your comments; I really appreciate it!

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